I Don't Feel Like It (Pt 1-Transparent Moment)

2020 unveiled itself only two months ago and like most, I was revved up, motivation on a thousand, and ready to hit the ground running, proclaiming this to be “my best year yet!” My goals were on steroids, I had a plan, a vision board, and absolutely nothing could stop me—so I thought *sigh*. A few weeks in and my momentum was gaining great traction. An inexplicable feeling of victory consumed me. I felt victorious as I worked my plan, with the Faith that results were in sight. Then...it happened... I woke up one day and I just didn’t feel like it. Feel like what, LaNier? Glad you asked, ha! You name it. I didn’t feel like adult-ing, completing my daily routines, writing, coaching, mommy-ing, daughter-ing, friend-ing—NOTHING! Being a natural over-thinker, I continuously searched my feelings in an attempt to trace back to the source. When did this start? What was the shift? How did this happen? Aren't I supposed to help others 'Thrive on Purpose'?

I struggled to understand how I ended up in this place but more importantly, I just wanted "it" to go away. I couldn't afford to spend time figuring out what this was. My goals were waiting on me. 2020 was waiting on me! A few times, I gave in to the feeling and do nothing or do very minimal. Some tasks were merely mechanical. Right foot, left foot, one in front of the other. I simply just wanted to check the box and complete the task. I had to constantly push myself, one moment at a time (one day at a time was a huge ask). But, the game changer for me was seeking God in these moments AND the support of a few people who love me enough to allow me to have my moment(s) and then quickly reroute me back to my goals. Now, this reroute seemed to be the perfect combination of love and tough love.

Isn't that what God does? He's gentle and kind, even in His discipline of those He loves.

Because of this, I became ok not comfortable, when "I didn't feel like it". I embraced the moment and processed what I was feeling, yet I refused to take residence in the emotions or fatigue that weighed so heavily in my spirit. Nonetheless, I had to regain my focus and remember who & whose I am. With continuous prayer (which was far from eloquent most days), and the support of others (even if it was just one), I've learned how to dust myself off, keep pressing and becoming the woman God created me to be--even on the days when, I don't "feel" like it. Back to life. Time to thrive!

Have you ever had a day, week, or maybe month, when you just didn't feel like it? Maybe an area of your life where you wished you could send a clone while you hid under a rock for a moment? As you see, you are not alone. Stay tuned for Part 2, where I'll share the reasons behind this and how to effectively shift from that place.

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